Let's take the Fairy Tale Romance.

You've known for a long time that you tend to pick losers for partners. Oh, it's not that you go looking for them, they just seem to appear in your life. Most often they are the ones with the frozen feelings. They are totally unable to express a tender or loving thought. Their emotional rating on a scale of one to ten is minus zero. That is not to say that they don't have any feelings, they certainly do know how to express their anger and outrage. In the beginning of each relationship you try to point out the positive in every situation, but you quickly learn to keep your thoughts to yourself. There are a lot of things about them that you don't like, but you ignore them because you believe that you have discovered their unrecognized potential. And you fall deeply in love with the person you think they could be. You spend a lot of time and energy imagining what it will be like when they finally realize how lucky they are to have you in their lives. You just know that some day they will come through the door and tell you how much they love and appreciate you. You stick around waiting for that to happen.

It's the same with the job.

How many times have you taken a job that you knew would not challenge you, just so that you could be sure to be able to keep it. And then you began to imagine what it would be like when your boss realized how talented you were and promoted you to the top spot, over all of the other senior workers. You spend way too much time scripting the scenario in your head. You know what you are worth, and everything will be okay when all of the others realize it, too. This thought keeps you going and keeps you stuck at the same time.

Fantasy fuels the other addictions.

It's easy to see how fantasy and gambling are married. How natural it seems to convince yourself that this time it will be different. You will beat the impossible odds and win the big one. This is what keeps you coming back. You can't be a compulsive gambler unless you are a fantasy addict. This goes for nearly all of the behavioral addictions.

You cannot face reality, so you live in a place in your head that helps you deal with your daily hurts and disappointments. What happens eventually, is that it gets away from you, and you can no longer control the life of the fantasy.

You are drunk on your own brain chemicals.

For the sex addict, even when the acting out behavior is halted, the fantasy action continues to challenge your sobriety. It's so hard to draw the line between healthy imagination and intoxicated fantasizing. For the addict who uses others as objects for sexual gratification the fantasy that they want or even seek this attention is fraught with danger. If you are a voyeur or an exhibitionist, you have probably convinced yourself that the object of your attention really invited you to become involved with them. You are drunk on your own brain chemicals and your judgment is severely impaired.

Those computer games are designed to transport you to a different place, for entertainment. But alas, you find yourself going there over and over again. You can't control the amount of time you are spending so you convince yourself that it is, after all, good clean fun and it's not hurting anyone. You may be losing sleep, stealing time from work or family, or not even taking time to take care of yourself, but you find that living in this intense fantasy world is so intoxicating that you don't even care.

There is help and there is hope.

You're right, this is a very complicated piece of the Wheel of Addiction. It will take all of the concentration and willingness you can muster to recover. But there is hope. You can call us at 1 800 754 1452 or send us an email at RecoveryCentral@aol.com for a free, initial consultation. You will be speaking with the best therapists available, and in the Spirit of Recovery we are here to listen and share with you our wisdom and experience. Begin your recovery, call today.